Spring has finally sprung!

I was super excited to wake up this morning to a beautiful sunny day!! After all this dreary wetness it was wonderful to wake up, snap open the blinds, and let the sun shine in!! Jacob had a relief day today, which was kind of a relief bein that he worked 14 hours on Saturday. We took advantage of it by running some errands and taking care of some odds and ends around the house. I took advantage of it by getting outside and going for my first outdoor run in what seems like forever!! It was kind of a strange run. It was a little breezy which always effs with me, and it was kinda cold so I wore my long sleeves, but then not cold enough so I got really hot after just a little while. Sigh. I really need to look into the arm sleeves so I have less to lug around when I dress inappropriately for the current weather conditions. I *still* haven't gotten confirmation that my inhaler prescription is ready for pick-up, which is friggin lame, so I went without it and could completely tell the difference. I know I shouldn't expect to lace up my shoes after a month or so and just knock an easy three out, but I'm a little disappointed. After only 2, my lungs are on fire (still, an hour and a half later). My legs and back feel great for once, my Achilles is just a teensy bit snarky, and my feet are awesome too. Stupid lungs. I am really looking forward to this weather warming up some more (make sure to remind me that I said this in July when I'm complaining that I live on the face of the sun) and getting a nice tan for the first time in years!! I am looking forward to miles upon miles of healthy running and a half marathon in the fall. I haven't decided....I could do Urban Cow again in October. It has a really big crowd and runs through more suburban/urban neighborhood-y areas aside from the really nice section along the river. OR I could run Clarksburg which has a smaller crowd in a country setting running past vineyards and farmland. I don't know. I like the knowledge that Urban Cow had sooo many people participating (like 3000) that it didn't matter if I didn't have anyone there cheering for me, at least there were spectators! I like knowing that the course is well patrolled by police officers and the aid stations are well manned. On the other hand, the crowd was a little out of control. The bathroom situation was borderline ridiculous. But at least there were a lot of porta-potties. Parking was ample, since the starting line was across the street from a college. But I think I might like a small town feel, I think I might like the scenery out there. I appreciate it while driving anyway. Do I go with what I know, and give myself a fair comparison when trying to PR? Or do I go with something new and different? Time will only tell..... stay tuned! PSSSST!! I want to give a big HUGE shout out to my best buddy since forever LEESA who completed her very first Half Marathon in Dallas this weekend. I am super super super duper excited for her as she goes along her triathlete journey and can't wait to see her at her peak!!! <3 <3 <3

Three truckers walk into a bar....

On Friday, we broke our diet. BIG. It was kind of a fun excursion onto the wild side, I guess. We went to a local Mexican restaurant that's kind of a landmark in our town. It's very tiny, cozy, authentic, and as in all small towns, full of people you know. I saw six people that I went to school with and two parents of people that I went to school with (on top of the two schoolmates that we were there with.) It's amazing how things work in a small town. I love it, but at the same time it's kind of a hassle when you're just trying to get to the bathroom with your three year old. "Sorry, can't talk, she's about to pee her pants," as she races down the aisle, running past the bathroom. But I digress. I was peer pressured into 'just one' margarita. I rarely drink so this was kind of a nice treat to savor the frosty goodness. Then came dinner. Jacob and I had discussed sharing a plate since this restaurant is notorious for their super-sized portions. Naturally, when faced with the menu, we couldn't decide on something that we both wanted so we wound up ordering our own plates. The waitress placed my oval plate in front of me with a flourish, and it sang to me. Ooooooh maaaaannnnnn......refried beans, rice, crunchy chicken taco, and chicken enchilada???? Yes, yes, yes please. It looked and tasted better than I remember. After devouring much of what was on my plate, I felt embarassed. And full. Very very full. What did I do? Oh dear. After we hung out there for a while, we agreed to continue the evening and head back to our friends M&D's house. It was his birthday, and we don't get to hang out with them very much even though they live in town. After we arrived at their house, another friend of M's called and said he was in the area and asked if he and his wife could come by. We had SO much fun! My husband is a truck driver, M is a truck driver (same work), and the new guy C is a truck driver as well. Put the three of them together and they are hilarious! We were up at their house playing Battle of the Sexes until 1:30 am. I have to say that if I had to choose a night to cheat on the diet, I think I picked a perfect night. I regret that I ate as much as I did, but live and learn and we all had an amazing time. I'm sure I will spend that same amount of amazing time working off the meal in the gym, and it will be totally worth it.

My husband and I were talking last night and we made the decision that with gas being $4 per gallon and up, we really can't afford for me to be driving to the gym every day any more. This is terribly sad for me because I was really enjoying the workouts that I was getting in as well as the time I was getting to spend with one of my BFFs Denise. She is so funny and honest I just can't get enough of her. We have been friends since high school so we have seen each other through a lot of stuff. I am extremely grateful for the time that I got to spend at the gym with her; I don't think I could have created the habit of working out that I did without having this opportunity. I will just have to work extra hard to keep on track and get my cardio in other ways, and make sure that I focus focus focus on the diet and weight lifting aspects of fitness as well. I'm also really looking forward to the weather clearing up! With the time change in effect, it's staying light out later which means I can run in the early evening/late afternoon when my husband gets home from work. Yay!!

The tale of the missing blogger

I am alive, I promise. I just re-allocated my time and it didn't allow for the hours that I can spend perusing the many blogs that LOVE to read on a daily basis. At this point, I'm so far behind I might as well pretend I'm finding y'all for the very first time and just start from scratch. Since February 10 (my last blog posting, yikes) I have been dealing with an Achilles tendon issue. Lots of icing, lots of resting. I've read a lot of running articles and books that have advised that I can use the elliptical or cycle still (as long as it doesn't hurt) so I have been spending a lot of time on my booty pedaling away. For some reason it (the booty) goes numb about half hour in. My hub says it's because the soles of my shoes are too soft so the pedal is putting pressure on my foot which is leading to the numbness. He's probably right- he usually is- though I hate to admit it. Today, I think I'm going to try for two miles on the treadmill. I haven't ran over 1.25 miles in over a month and I think it's about time. Good news is that the diet and the exercising that I have been doing have left me stabile in my weight loss, actually losing two pounds. Not a huge deal, but it's progress in the right direction so I'm happy.

On the parenting front, I was horrified a few weeks ago to discover my daughter covered in a terrible rash. A $30 co-pay and 15 seconds with the doctor later, it was determined that she had hives, no they didn't know why or how long it would last but give her Benadryl so they don't itch. Nice. Thankfully, the hives have pretty much completely disappeared and she has continued to carry on her busy little life the entire ordeal. Apparently it was only heartbreaking to Jacob and I to see her body all red and welty; she could have cared less.

I'm definitely planning on picking back up on the writing. I have missed it a lot. I look forward to catching up on everyone and seeing what you all are up to in the weeks to come!

Things that make you feel good- the little things

After weeks of minimal change on the scale and feeling a little bit down on myself because of my lack of mileage, I had two feel-good moments within the past 24 or so hours.

Yesterday I went and visited with my younger sister. It was after a workout so I had some running pants on that hit just below the knee and my tanktop on. As I was buckling in my daughter, my sister says, "You've been running a lot haven't you?" I grumble something to the effect of, "yeah kinda but not as much as I should be or would like to be." She surprised the heck out of me by saying, "yeah I can really tell. Your legs are getting pretty toned." SCORE. That left me grinning for a few hours after. I mean, I can tell that I've been working on my legs but it could just be my imagination. Nobody obsesses over my legs or my bulges as much as I do. So it felt pretty nice to hear from someone else that they can really tell the difference.

And then this morning when I got up to get my son ready for work I just grabbed the first comfy tee I saw in my drawer to wear under my sweatshirt. I mean, it's just the bus stop, whatever. I kept the tee on but lost the sweatshirt when I got back home and started in on breakfast, the morning housework, etc. At one point I made it to the bathroom and finally glanced at myself in the mirror. Whoa. The shirt used to be snug, showing off all the glory of my muffin top. Super sexy, right? This morning I realized that it just hung there. Not tight at all. You couldn't see any pudge (which is still there by the way, just smaller I guess). Whaaaaat? Could it be? Yes, boys and girls, there is progress being made everywhere. My pants are sagging ridiculously but I refuse to buy new clothes until summer when I can get shorts. And now, now my shirts are fitting better or are a little too big. Oh, the sweetness.

Finding peace.

Lately I've been doing a lot of soul searching. A lot of thinking about myself and how I can improve myself as a person. I used to like to think that I was perfect. I had this complex about perfection, this addiction to competition so fierce that if I couldn't be the best at something it wasn't worth my time. I fought for straight A's and the highest percentages in class and if I wasn't fighting for those high grades I wasn't doing anything at all in class. I wanted to be told that I was great and perfect. Criticism was the worst thing in my life. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle being micro-managed at work. I got into an argument with my husband a few weeks ago where I told him that he was "too critical" of everything and sometimes it would be nice if he could just pretend and tell me that I was perfect. Without going into too many details, we went to bed angry (which we never do) and I found myself lying awake listening to him snore, staring at the ceiling deep in thought. He was right. Why did I feel like I needed to perfect?? Why did I always feel like I had to be the best? Why couldn't I do something badly and laugh about it? Why did I feel like I need to measure up and compare to somebody else?

So these past few weeks I've been trying to let go of that kind of thinking. I don't need to prove my worth as a mother, a wife, or an athlete to anybody but myself. As long as I'm doing my best and I am happy with what I'm doing that should be good enough. I'm done with working so hard only to be let down because I discover that someone else did it better. I've discovered that being a stay-at-home-mom is a more cutthroat industry than any other I've worked in. These b**&@* are HARD CORE!! It's a competition over who does the most cleaning, whose kids are smarter or in more activities, who cares for their husband the most. You know what? My house is in an almost constant state of disarray in the bedrooms. I keep the bathroom, kitchen, dining room, and living room clean. The bedrooms? Well, I do what I can.
I don't have my kids in a ton of extra-curricular activities. I feel like it puts undue stress on my family when we have to change our dinner schedule and keep them out until bedtime or later to go to practice/meetings. For some families, they thrive on the activities. For ours, not so much. I like being able to make plans with people because we have our weekends mostly free. I don't like having every minute of every day structured. We are very much a "play it by ear" family. Sometimes too much, but that's something we're working on. We enjoy spending time with each other, and yeah, sometimes that means that we all four hang out in my bed until ten on a Saturday before I make us a big breakfast and we don't leave the house until two in the afternoon. That doesn't mean that I am any less of a mom than the lady that lives in the big beautiful house that is up at 6 am cleaning it while her family sleeps.

I am learning as I go. My family was a terrible disfunctioning mess. I don't know how a "normal" family functions because what is on TV is just not normal. So every day I take in as an opportunity to learn. How to become a mother that nurtures without yelling. How to communicate effectively with my husband. How to gently guide my children to be good people in the world. How to fit in all the cleaning while still being attentive to my children. How to be beautiful and still functional at home. How to work as a team and thrive as a family unit.

I'm done. I'm done trying to keep up with everyone around me. My kids are happy, clean, and fed. My husband is happy, clean, and fed. I too would be completely happy if I would just allow myself to be content and stop competing. LIFE IS NOT A COMPETITION! Everyone, every family, is different and what works for one may not necessarily work for another. It is not an even playing field so there is no basis for comparison. Nobody is perfect, nor can they try to be all the time. And those people that seem to be? It's because they brag about how perfect they are and sweep the not-so-good-stuff under the rug, which makes them irritating which in turn makes them NOT PERFECT. Ha!

On a somewhat related note, I've decided that I will not be running the half marathon in March as planned. I realized that it was just another thing that I was doing in an overly competitive nature and for the wrong reasons. Not that I expected to be the best or fastest LOL, I'm just not ready for it. I will wait until further along in the year. I have been working out five days a week since the beginning of the year, for an hour or so each day. I try to run every day for at least two miles instead of trying to stick to the training plan. When I'm ready to increase my mileage again I will, but just not now. I'm excited and proud of the time that I've been spending at the gym this year and think that by the end of the year I will be at my goal weight and fitness level and that is more important to me than training my brains out for a half marathon and then being burnt out and stopping for three months.

I am on my way to finding peace.....and it feels damn good.

Enriching my life, and maybe yours in the process!

Another housebound day today as my son remained feverish overnight. Today, he feels fine, and if he weren't up at 2:30 this morning telling me he was hot and coughing, I would have sent him to school. He is feeling back to normal today, which is driving me crazy since he and sister have been crabbing at each other all.day.long. It will be ok, he'll be back to school tomorrow and Justice and I can get back to our regular routine for two days before the weekend.

When I discovered in April that I was going to be laid off of work in the end of May, my husband instantly leapt into action. He figured he needed to find a way to supplement his income in the eventuality that I couldn't find work. He decided that the best way to do this would be to become an AVON representative. Yes, as a man. Have I mentioned how much I appreciate this man??? His great-grandparents both sold AVON years and years ago as a team and he figured there couldn't be a better way to do this. Now that I'm not working, I do a lot of the leg work during the day. Distributing, making phone calls, and whatnot. So in an effort to boost our exposure and introduce new customers to the AVON product line, I would like to present to you, dear readers, our online store located here. You can browse our catalog just as though you were receiving a paper copy or you can search for specific items. The way I see it, if you are going to buy makeup anyway (and let's be honest, you will), might as well support the small business dreams of one family rather than stuffing the already bloated wallets of the bigwigs...right? As a bonus, we are offering free shipping on all orders of $30 or more. So check it out! I guarantee that you will find something you love. And we don't just offer makeup...oh no, we offer household items, toys, clothes, and even Mark. which is a more trendy approach geared toward more youthful style. (Really really cute stuff, I'm tellin ya!)

Also, if you are fundraising for any organization we can create an online event in which you can invite your friends and family to shop our online store and a set percentage of their purchases will be donated to the organization of your choice. Their purchases would be directly shipped to their home, so you don't have to sort orders or deliver! This is an amazing and easy opportunity to raise money! Contact us at brownjid (at) gmail (dot) com for more details.

Keep your eye out for AVON product reviews from me as I explore new items!!

On a running related note, I checked out CSN stores today and discovered that there are very inexpensive manual treadmills on the market....I didn't know that these existed! I've only seen the fancy schmancy ones with digital readouts and programs and waaaay too many buttons. Has anyone ever used one of these? I'm curious, because they are super inexpensive and if they actually get the job done I would totally be looking into purchasing one. Let me know if you have any input! And make sure you check out Running from the Law's giveaway here!!!

Not a prostitute, but encroaching on their space.

Thank goodness Jacob got home early from work yesterday. I excitedly changed my clothes, laced up my shoes, and took my inhaler hits. I opened the door, stepped outside, and instantly felt nervous. Running without Jacob feels just wrong. Like I'm all of a sudden very vulnerable to everything- the elements, people, and above all, myself. I composed myself, stretched, and strutted my way down the street and saw my worst nightmare swooping over my designated starting line. A flock of seagulls.

No, seriously, one of my biggest fears in life is to get pooped on by a bird. I just don't know if I can handle it. And right there, outside the choice liquor store at the end of my street, is a whole flock of birds. I couldn't figure out why until I turned the corner and discovered that there was a guy throwing out bird seed or bread or something for them. I patiently waited at the other corner under the guise of messing with my iPod, but just as the birds started to disperse, he threw more bread out! Grr! I couldn't wait any longer, so just decided to chance it and go. The man apologized while his friends (super classy while they hang out at the bus stop, ooohhh yeah, swoon) leered at me passing. Ick.

My legs felt tired already after not even a mile but I was determined to finish this run out. My goal was five and I was going to hit it, dammit!! So I told myself that I would allow rest at stop lights while waiting for the walk sign and I could walk through the crosswalks on the way back home. I was feeling shin-tired, but overall felt great. The weather was perfect for a run. There were a lot of cyclists out too since I run on a main street through town. They usually aren't very friendly, but yesterday was the exception. They all waved and said hey as they went past. Except for one, who yelled HI from across the four lane road. I waved politely and carried on, until the stop light when the guy actually had turned around and rode back to talk to me. Yikes!! This guy shops regularly at the grocery store I used to work at so I recognized him as a pretty hard core cyclist. I figured a little banter on training might be nice. So when he asked how I was, I was ok with that. How many miles I was going, I was ok with that. How old I was, not so ok with that one. I told him I don't answer that question and his response was, 'oh, very young I can tell'. And with that he turned his bike around and headed in his original direction. Phew.

This stretch of road that I run on- I like it because it's got sidewalks most of the way and it's very heavily trafficked. The heavy traffic I used to hate because everyone sees me and looks at me, but then at the same time if everyone is seeing and looking at me, hopefully no-one will mess with me. After dark is another story. I would not venture out on this strip of road by myself after dark, mostly because it is known for it's choice occupation-solicitation. Knowing this, I thought two/three/four times about taking off my top layer long sleeved shirt and just running in my tank and decided against it each time. That was probably a good idea being that it was a weird temperature. It was cold enough to need the long sleeves but then not. I rolled up the sleeves to expose my wrists and I had to pull them back down because I wound up feeling cold.

So in the end, I had to cut my run a little short due to some road construction at my turnaround point. I wound up running 4.6 miles, and traveling approximately 5 miles with my warm up and cool down. It took me around 55 minutes to do the run portion, which was 12:01 mile. Not terribly bad, but I'm hoping I can drop more weight and speed up a little bit so I can hit my goal.