Hmmm....my track record is not looking so fantastical. Last blog? Oooohhhh...over a month ago. That tells you roughly how many miles I have ran since then. Yep, big fat goose egg. Truth be told, I thought I could handle running with my kid on a bike in front of me and I was wrong. The stress of being with him, watching double time as he crossed driveways and almost went over the edge of the curb was more than I could handle. Not to mention that it was hot and I felt so terrible looking at him at the end of a run and he had sweat trickling down his face from under his helmet. Oh well. I have my sights set on a different half marathon this year, the Paul Reese Memorial Run in Clarksburg. It's the week before my birthday which gives me approximately ten weeks to train for it. Perfect.
In other non-running related news, my brother-in-law is getting married this weekend. The past year has gone by super fast and not without it's share of drama. There have been a few disagreements over the things that they have opted to do and admittedly some catty behavior on my part. In the end though, these past few weeks I've realized that I have just been displaying one of my least favorable traits. I am an incredibly envious person. And instead of dealing with the envy and moving on, I hold on to it for dear life and dwell on it until it builds into this festering chip on my shoulder. Really not pretty. So for the past few weeks I've been working really hard to overcome this envy that I have for this woman, this wedding, this entire situation. And yesterday I came clean to her and told her how I felt and apologized for any hard feelings that may have resulted. It's difficult to keep focusing on the beauty of a situation when you are constantly dwelling over how you wish you had that opportunity. It's difficult to not focus on the fact that every situation is different. It's difficult to say, they've waited ten years longer than you did to get married, of course their wedding is going to be a little more (okay, a lot more) elaborate than yours. I have always had a hard time dealing with envy. This girl just seems to have it all...the college degree and career, the crafty creativity, the relationship with her family...and I had a hard time coming to grips with the fact that that's a GOOD thing for my brother-in-law to have in his life. After talking with her for several hours yesterday I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I feel so liberated! Like I can finally be truly happy for them, because I am, but it was always overshadowed by that stupid green-eyed monster.
ALSO, I am looking forward to receiving and reviewing a copy of a new book within the next few weeks. Keep your eye out for my review!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
On getting a grip
Since high school graduation eleven years ago, I have changed quite a bit. But then again, there are some things that haven't changed. I'd like to say that I still have a pretty sunny disposition and I really like to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. Back then, when I graduated, I had some serious body image issues that I still struggle with. Back then, however, I had no reason to be worried or ashamed of the way I looked. I was super hot! (Relatively speaking of course.) I had a teeny tiny 24 inch waist, teeny tiny boobies (boo), and sported nicely curved hips. Since that time I have gained about forty pounds (as of last year it was almost 60 gained, so yay me for dropping that number!) and popped out two children. My skin, clearly not genetically enhanced by Mr.Fantastic or Stretch Armstrong, did not gracefully handle the amount of stretching that occurred during the weight gain or the two pregnancies.
Last year I bought myself a tankini to help resolve the issue of the belly button and stretch marks. Really I can handle the stretch marks. The thing that kills me is this imploded crater that is permanently stuck in the middle of my gut. Well, this year when I put on the tankini I was shocked to discover that the dang thing is *drumroll please* TOO BIG! OK, so now what? I put on this bikini that I bought a few years ago and only wore when we had a backyard pool of our own. Of course it fit, but then I'm stuck with the problem of the belly button. I can't possibly show it to anyone. What would they think?
After wrestling with my own brain for two freakin weeks I came to the conclusion that:
1.If it weren't for the offensive belly button, I would be totally ok with showing off my tummy. EFF the stretch marks, I've got two kids!
2. I'm proud of the progress that I've made and my midsection is really not too shabby.
3. I need to GET OVER IT and realize that no amount of working out or sit ups is going to get rid of it. So.
I wore the bikini. TWICE. First at the lake with a group of friends. This was an all day process. First I had the bikini on under my tank top, then the tank top got folded up while I was sitting in the sun and pulled back down when anyone came near me, then I said screw it and took the tank top off and then I said oh screw it again and the shorts came off. The second time was at a Fourth of July barbecue with family and friends. And you know what? I was okay. Nobody ran screaming. Nobody pointed and laughed. (Thank goodness.)
I'm taking what I've been given and dealing with it. And it feels great.
Last year I bought myself a tankini to help resolve the issue of the belly button and stretch marks. Really I can handle the stretch marks. The thing that kills me is this imploded crater that is permanently stuck in the middle of my gut. Well, this year when I put on the tankini I was shocked to discover that the dang thing is *drumroll please* TOO BIG! OK, so now what? I put on this bikini that I bought a few years ago and only wore when we had a backyard pool of our own. Of course it fit, but then I'm stuck with the problem of the belly button. I can't possibly show it to anyone. What would they think?
After wrestling with my own brain for two freakin weeks I came to the conclusion that:
1.If it weren't for the offensive belly button, I would be totally ok with showing off my tummy. EFF the stretch marks, I've got two kids!
2. I'm proud of the progress that I've made and my midsection is really not too shabby.
3. I need to GET OVER IT and realize that no amount of working out or sit ups is going to get rid of it. So.
I wore the bikini. TWICE. First at the lake with a group of friends. This was an all day process. First I had the bikini on under my tank top, then the tank top got folded up while I was sitting in the sun and pulled back down when anyone came near me, then I said screw it and took the tank top off and then I said oh screw it again and the shorts came off. The second time was at a Fourth of July barbecue with family and friends. And you know what? I was okay. Nobody ran screaming. Nobody pointed and laughed. (Thank goodness.)
I'm taking what I've been given and dealing with it. And it feels great.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Feelin the burn...
Yikes, it's been almost a month since my last post! Since my last appearance, we have been a bunch of busy Browns. Since Father's Day we have been camping for a total of 7 nights and 9 days. That's three weekends in a row. THREE WEEKENDS. In. A. Row. Do you know how much laundry that is? O.M.G. I've done a lot of laundry these past few weeks. We have a break coming up. From camping that is. We still have a lot of activities planned, they're just less involved and we get to sleep in our own beds.
On the running front, I've been trying to log at least two outings per week. My half marathon training kicks off next week and I gotta be honest, I'm not looking forward to it. It's HOT and this year I'm lacking a live-in nanny to allow my husband and I to run after the sun goes down. Boo. The nice part is that I'm getting a nice little tan from my efforts. The downside to this is that my tan line hits just below my knee since I run in capris. And since I decided that I'm wearing shorts this summer, my two-tone legs are a sight to see. I finally broke down and got a running skirt last week though. I decided on a running skirt because my thighs still rub together so my shorts like to creep up. Not only is this super uncomfortable, but it's also not cute at all. The handy dandy skirt feature acts as a cloak to cover the uncuteness of the creepy shorts.
I've been running with Isaiah on his bike and Justice in the jogger. We just have to make sure we head out earlier in the morning before the heat kicks in. Summer is definitely here and isn't messing around. Today we left at around nine. It was already 78*. Since I've just become used to the notion of wearing any kind of shorts in public, running in my skirt was really a scary thought. I felt exposed and vulnerable. On top of the heat and the massive amounts of exposed skin, I went to use my inhaler before we left the house only to discover that it was empty. I should have just given up at that point. But nope, I'm kind of stubborn like that I guess and headed out anyway.
On our last outing, I got upset with Isaiah for not taking extra caution when crossing business driveways. So I reminded him before this trip. Of course, he took this as the prime opportunity to show me how well he can listen. He took it to the extreme and actually stopped his bike before each driveway, like screeching halt-I almost ran into him kind of stop. He was hot too, so we had to stop a lot to drink the Gatorade I brought along with us. We saw a car accident, pretty big one, on our way and got to see the firetrucks, ambulances, and clean up crew show up and get to work. He was pretty excited about that, but it was just one more thing to distract him. He kept speeding up, then slowing down to a crawl pace, then almost falling off the curb.
So in conclusion, it was not an awesome run. Uneven pace, lots of stopping, ridiculous amounts of chafing, and definitely out of breath. We covered 2.7 miles in 36 minutes. It wasn't a shining moment in my running career but I'm glad to have gotten out and completed the miles.
On the running front, I've been trying to log at least two outings per week. My half marathon training kicks off next week and I gotta be honest, I'm not looking forward to it. It's HOT and this year I'm lacking a live-in nanny to allow my husband and I to run after the sun goes down. Boo. The nice part is that I'm getting a nice little tan from my efforts. The downside to this is that my tan line hits just below my knee since I run in capris. And since I decided that I'm wearing shorts this summer, my two-tone legs are a sight to see. I finally broke down and got a running skirt last week though. I decided on a running skirt because my thighs still rub together so my shorts like to creep up. Not only is this super uncomfortable, but it's also not cute at all. The handy dandy skirt feature acts as a cloak to cover the uncuteness of the creepy shorts.
I've been running with Isaiah on his bike and Justice in the jogger. We just have to make sure we head out earlier in the morning before the heat kicks in. Summer is definitely here and isn't messing around. Today we left at around nine. It was already 78*. Since I've just become used to the notion of wearing any kind of shorts in public, running in my skirt was really a scary thought. I felt exposed and vulnerable. On top of the heat and the massive amounts of exposed skin, I went to use my inhaler before we left the house only to discover that it was empty. I should have just given up at that point. But nope, I'm kind of stubborn like that I guess and headed out anyway.
On our last outing, I got upset with Isaiah for not taking extra caution when crossing business driveways. So I reminded him before this trip. Of course, he took this as the prime opportunity to show me how well he can listen. He took it to the extreme and actually stopped his bike before each driveway, like screeching halt-I almost ran into him kind of stop. He was hot too, so we had to stop a lot to drink the Gatorade I brought along with us. We saw a car accident, pretty big one, on our way and got to see the firetrucks, ambulances, and clean up crew show up and get to work. He was pretty excited about that, but it was just one more thing to distract him. He kept speeding up, then slowing down to a crawl pace, then almost falling off the curb.
So in conclusion, it was not an awesome run. Uneven pace, lots of stopping, ridiculous amounts of chafing, and definitely out of breath. We covered 2.7 miles in 36 minutes. It wasn't a shining moment in my running career but I'm glad to have gotten out and completed the miles.
Monday, June 6, 2011
THREE more days
Unbelievably enough, this school year is already coming to an end. On Thursday, my son will spend his last day as a first grader. And on Friday, I will have my first day of what I'm sure will be the longest summer I've ever experienced. Not that I'm not looking forward to this summer. We've got a lot of fantastically fun things planned and potential for a whole lot more.
My BFF from afar is coming to California at the end of July. I'm super excited for her visit. We haven't seen each other in almost a year and I'm ready to spend some quality time with her. She has been struggling with her weight, and we have put on a little competition to keep us each accountable and give ourselves a little something extra to work for. The one who loses the highest percentage of weight (a la Biggest Loser) wins a facial paid for by the other. One, I would L.O.V.E a facial. Two, it would give us a really good excuse to ditch the hubbies and the babies for a few hours. Three, well, I don't have a number three. I'm just excited to see her and spend time with her wonderful family.
I've been continuing to run as the weather permits. It's been freakishly wet and cold here; kinda feels like November. Most days when I can't run I just make sure I stay really busy moving around the house and I do my yoga, which really does get me sweating. I love the yoga stretchiness and really should integrate that into every day. I'm actually going to start staying up when my husband leaves for work at 5:30 am. Currently, I go back to bed until I have to get my son up for school at 6:30. Then sometimes after he gets on the bus I climb back into bed until 8. I think once school is out for summer, I'm going to need that time in the morning to myself and will regret staying in bed until the kids are both awake. That way I can do yoga, watch some morning news, and enjoy my cup of coffee before any of the whining, tattling, and neediness begins.
How does your schedule change for summer break? Do you find it more difficult having your kids home all day long?
My BFF from afar is coming to California at the end of July. I'm super excited for her visit. We haven't seen each other in almost a year and I'm ready to spend some quality time with her. She has been struggling with her weight, and we have put on a little competition to keep us each accountable and give ourselves a little something extra to work for. The one who loses the highest percentage of weight (a la Biggest Loser) wins a facial paid for by the other. One, I would L.O.V.E a facial. Two, it would give us a really good excuse to ditch the hubbies and the babies for a few hours. Three, well, I don't have a number three. I'm just excited to see her and spend time with her wonderful family.
I've been continuing to run as the weather permits. It's been freakishly wet and cold here; kinda feels like November. Most days when I can't run I just make sure I stay really busy moving around the house and I do my yoga, which really does get me sweating. I love the yoga stretchiness and really should integrate that into every day. I'm actually going to start staying up when my husband leaves for work at 5:30 am. Currently, I go back to bed until I have to get my son up for school at 6:30. Then sometimes after he gets on the bus I climb back into bed until 8. I think once school is out for summer, I'm going to need that time in the morning to myself and will regret staying in bed until the kids are both awake. That way I can do yoga, watch some morning news, and enjoy my cup of coffee before any of the whining, tattling, and neediness begins.
How does your schedule change for summer break? Do you find it more difficult having your kids home all day long?
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Eating Clean
Ridiculously enough, it is hailing right now. Here. In Central California, where it is usually blazing hot already. Here I was, worried about how I was going to run in 100* temps and this morning I had to call the run on account of rain. Weird. I have been getting out there three times a week for the past few weeks, and I feel great!! I'm able to sustain under a 12 minute mile while pushing the jogger for 3+ miles. We actually ventured out last week and wound up covering 4.25 miles. I felt amazing! I FEEL amazing! I have musles in my legs that I can feel and see that I didn't even know existed! Even my arms feel like they are toning up as I have to put forth extra effort now to push the stroller.
The other night while at the grocery store I had to wait in line to return my RedBox movie (I absolutely love redbox). Jacob ventured off with the kids to the magazine aisle and I stumbled across Clean Eating magazine with a delicious looking chocolate pie on the cover. After flipping through it and drooling on every single picture they had in there, I decided I just had to have it. I am so glad I made that purchase. Every page is full of valuable nutritional information. They even have a two week meal plan which outlines breakfast, lunch, and dinner, along with two daily snacks. AMAZING. This week's shopping included my creating a spreadsheet closely following the meal plans and creating a shopping list off of that. This morning I woke up early to prepare my husband's breakfast, lunch, and snacks for the day. He has called me after each meal to give me a quick review. It's pretty simple stuff for the most part during the day. He is satisfied and so am I. But he asked me...What exactly is clean eating?
So I did some extra research. The Clean Eating magazine states that "the soul of clean eating is consuming food in it's most natural state, or as close to it as possible. It is not a diet; it's a lifestyle approach to food and it's preparation, leading to an improved life-one meal at a time." Several websites I've visited have listed the same basic principles:
The other night while at the grocery store I had to wait in line to return my RedBox movie (I absolutely love redbox). Jacob ventured off with the kids to the magazine aisle and I stumbled across Clean Eating magazine with a delicious looking chocolate pie on the cover. After flipping through it and drooling on every single picture they had in there, I decided I just had to have it. I am so glad I made that purchase. Every page is full of valuable nutritional information. They even have a two week meal plan which outlines breakfast, lunch, and dinner, along with two daily snacks. AMAZING. This week's shopping included my creating a spreadsheet closely following the meal plans and creating a shopping list off of that. This morning I woke up early to prepare my husband's breakfast, lunch, and snacks for the day. He has called me after each meal to give me a quick review. It's pretty simple stuff for the most part during the day. He is satisfied and so am I. But he asked me...What exactly is clean eating?
So I did some extra research. The Clean Eating magazine states that "the soul of clean eating is consuming food in it's most natural state, or as close to it as possible. It is not a diet; it's a lifestyle approach to food and it's preparation, leading to an improved life-one meal at a time." Several websites I've visited have listed the same basic principles:
- Avoid processed and refined foods. Reduce added sugars and enjoy whole grains.
- Drink lots of water.
- Eat five or six small meals per day, never skipping breakfast.
- Replace saturated and trans fats with good healthy natural fats.
- Reduce or eliminate alcohol.
- "If man made it, don't eat it." Only eat foods occuring naturally, no man-made fillers or ingredients.
I'm down with all of that, so we're going to give it a shot. I spent a lot of time in the produce section yesterday stocking up on strawberries, blackberries, zucchini, lettuce, and fennel. I like the fact that I mainly shop in the perimeter of the store and not in the aisles. I like the fact that I have fewer boxes and jars on my countertop after cooking. It feels really good to know that I'm feeding my family good, wholesome food that is prepared at home from fresh ingredients. It has been a slow process but I think ultimately this is what we have been working toward all along, we just didn't know it!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
After Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
It's Wednesday, MAY 25th. I live in California. I'm looking out my back sliding door right now and see what? Sunshine? Not. A. Freakin. Chance. It's raining. Not a summer sprinkle. It's raining and has been for the past several hours. Guess I'm not running today. I'll be doing yoga once my daughter takes her nap. (As you may recall, she's not conducive to a good workout.) My puppy Bruiser got fixed on Monday so he's busy visiting Coney Island. We'll see how he handles me on the yoga mat. Chances are he will be just as pesky, just with a lampshade on his head.
Last night Isaiah had his weekly pack meeting. He's a Tiger Cub which is mostly 1st graders, so the boys are all around seven years old. We met up last night at a local park to do a combination barbecue/den meeting. The boys had a blast. First they played tug-of-war. We did a combination of the boys (there were four scouts and two younger siblings) versus the three moms present. Hilarious. Moms won. YAY MOMS!! Then we did parent and kid vs the rest of the pack. Isaiah looked at me and said, "Maybe we should get Daddy." Jacob was barbecuing. My feelings were a little hurt but I understand his position. Mommy: physically weak and small-ish. Daddy: superman. Well, guess what. Mommy got the job done and we whooped up on them. Haha!
I am blown away sometimes that I am a parent. You would think after seven plus years of being the designated Mother Hen I would be used to it, but no. I still stop in my tracks sometimes with the realization, "Mom. That's me!" I mean, I remember when I was a kid and how I felt about my mom. Shouldn't I know everything? Shouldn't I have a touch that can calm the wildest beast and magic kisses that cure all injuries? And then I understand. I do. To them, I do and that's good enough. As much as I feel like parenting is like treading water in the middle of an ocean with a lifeboat that's juuust out of reach, they think the world of me. There is no Best Mom Award or Cleanest House Award. They think I'm great. My husband thinks I'm great. And that's all that matters.
Off to yoga it up.....this weather sure is dreary. Are we sure it's really May?
Last night Isaiah had his weekly pack meeting. He's a Tiger Cub which is mostly 1st graders, so the boys are all around seven years old. We met up last night at a local park to do a combination barbecue/den meeting. The boys had a blast. First they played tug-of-war. We did a combination of the boys (there were four scouts and two younger siblings) versus the three moms present. Hilarious. Moms won. YAY MOMS!! Then we did parent and kid vs the rest of the pack. Isaiah looked at me and said, "Maybe we should get Daddy." Jacob was barbecuing. My feelings were a little hurt but I understand his position. Mommy: physically weak and small-ish. Daddy: superman. Well, guess what. Mommy got the job done and we whooped up on them. Haha!
I am blown away sometimes that I am a parent. You would think after seven plus years of being the designated Mother Hen I would be used to it, but no. I still stop in my tracks sometimes with the realization, "Mom. That's me!" I mean, I remember when I was a kid and how I felt about my mom. Shouldn't I know everything? Shouldn't I have a touch that can calm the wildest beast and magic kisses that cure all injuries? And then I understand. I do. To them, I do and that's good enough. As much as I feel like parenting is like treading water in the middle of an ocean with a lifeboat that's juuust out of reach, they think the world of me. There is no Best Mom Award or Cleanest House Award. They think I'm great. My husband thinks I'm great. And that's all that matters.
Off to yoga it up.....this weather sure is dreary. Are we sure it's really May?
Monday, May 23, 2011
Anniversaries and just a little bit further
Today is May 23rd. For the rest of the month I will think to myself, "today in 2009 we were ____". Why? Check here for the whole story. It's terrible that I will always remember that on May 24th I had my first Monte Cristo and the exact clothing that I was wearing, down to the shoes, underwear, earrings, and necklace. (I never wore that combo again.) On May 25th my office was open and I was told NOT to come to work but I did anyway because it took my mind off of things. I remember the hugs and the tears. I remember the two people that pretended I didn't exist for the following three days. I will always remember that on May 28 we celebrated my sister's birthday at my mom's and we huddled around my sister in a wheelchair pretending to be happy about her blowing out candles. Her hair was french braided because she couldn't wash her hair or brush it on her own..... I will always remember May 30 as the day of the first Memorial Service where we filled my husband's Lodge to capacity with people that loved and supported us. It was incredible. The last week of May will probably always be difficult. And here I am, on May 23rd, a half an hour away from the exact time of the accident, steeling myself for a difficult week.
I ran today. I've been trying to log as many miles as I can, which really should be more than I've been but it's more than I was so I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I started off with the jogger doing 2.7 miles. I completed this a few times, then bumped it up to what I thought was 3. I started using mapmyrun on my newly re-activated Blackberry which informed me that the distance I mapped on gmaps as just over 3 miles was actually 3.2. Woohoo! Today I felt awesome so when I hit my turnaround point for the 3.2 I decided to go to the next stop light. Still felt good, so I said I would go to the corner. Still felt good, so I turned the corner and stopped at the next intersection. I figured I should probably stop before I started feeling bad since i still had to make it all the way back home LOL. Turned around and headed for home. Justice was happy as a clam; I love that she loves going out in the jogger! I got back to my starting point and discovered that I had travelled 3.6 miles in 43 minutes which put me at just under a 12 minute mile. Slow in general but I'm picking up speed during my jogger runs (ahahaha I typo'd that as hogger, teehee) which I'm hoping equates to more speed when I'm not pushing it and more endurance at the same time.
Best part of the run was in the beginning when Justice was playing with her bubbles. It was breezy enough and the wind from my "SPEED" (good grief that's funny) that she just had to hold the wand up and the bubbles blew themselves. I got a few smiles from drivers that saw me jogging along with bubbles trailing behind me. =o)
I ran today. I've been trying to log as many miles as I can, which really should be more than I've been but it's more than I was so I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I started off with the jogger doing 2.7 miles. I completed this a few times, then bumped it up to what I thought was 3. I started using mapmyrun on my newly re-activated Blackberry which informed me that the distance I mapped on gmaps as just over 3 miles was actually 3.2. Woohoo! Today I felt awesome so when I hit my turnaround point for the 3.2 I decided to go to the next stop light. Still felt good, so I said I would go to the corner. Still felt good, so I turned the corner and stopped at the next intersection. I figured I should probably stop before I started feeling bad since i still had to make it all the way back home LOL. Turned around and headed for home. Justice was happy as a clam; I love that she loves going out in the jogger! I got back to my starting point and discovered that I had travelled 3.6 miles in 43 minutes which put me at just under a 12 minute mile. Slow in general but I'm picking up speed during my jogger runs (ahahaha I typo'd that as hogger, teehee) which I'm hoping equates to more speed when I'm not pushing it and more endurance at the same time.
Best part of the run was in the beginning when Justice was playing with her bubbles. It was breezy enough and the wind from my "SPEED" (good grief that's funny) that she just had to hold the wand up and the bubbles blew themselves. I got a few smiles from drivers that saw me jogging along with bubbles trailing behind me. =o)
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